Rapid weight gain--really uncomfortable.

Okay. Mid-June, I weighed around 93, 94 lbs. or so. Last night, I weight 123. That's 30 lbs., about a third of my body weight, in a tad over two months. Not possible, medically, to be fat or muscle. At least not from that starting weight. It would be possible to gain near 30 lbs. if I weighed close to or over 300, thereabouts, but not 94. Some of this must be water, then, but who knows how much? I can't begin to guess, so I have no clue what I weigh. 

The swelling is so bad that my skin has split in two other places on my right lower leg, and once on my left leg, for the first time. I'm eating more and more protein, as they told me to do, and still I can't get a hold on this anasarca. It's driving me crazy. It would go a long way toward making me feel better, and have less pain, if only the edema would go away. It's now in my butt, too, and my abdomen is enormous. Never saw such a thing. Oh, well.

Our washer died and can't be repaired--paid $129 to a repairman just to have him do nothing. So we have to go out tomorrow and buy a new one. But none of my clothes fit. There's one skirt that just might, so I'll have to go ahead and squeeze myself into that and pray I can still breathe.

My gut isn't any better. Piss caca.

There's a place called the National Weight Registry, or close to that, open to anyone who's lost 30 pounds or more and not regained it for at least one year. They're doing a study and need tons (no pun) of people to volunteer for the group. I checked it out, and it's a mix of every size, shape, color, gender, and so forth, who are succeeding at maintaining weight loss. I was thinking about joining; however, I was pressured by my ED into doing it.  While it took tremendous determination and control over hunger, that's not the same as losing it--for lack of a better word--normally, as you did/are doing. 


Here's a link:  National Weight Control Registry

So many of you have lost way more than that, and I expect that most or all of you will maintain the loss for a year or more. Sunshine, you're already in maintenance mode and have been for some time. Has it been a year? Anyway, I think it's worth looking into, because it would be a great thing participants could do for others in this battle of EDs.


BIG bragging here. . . My brother-in-law, who's been posted once to Iraq and twice to Afghanistan, was awarded the Bronze Star for meritorious service in combat. We had an ugly time of it from the very first, when he married my sister. I hated that, since I didn't want to put my sister in the position of being in the middle. He didn't want her to associate with me because I was a feminist and would make her "hate men," and turn her away from being a good wife. Can you believe that? So the only time I could visit her over the decades was when he was in the field. It was awful to have to sneak around like that. My sister and I are so close that we're almost one, like a married couple, and he wanted to divide us.


Anyway, I had tried to make him join me in a truce, telling him that since we both loved her, we should do it for her. Plus, I told him, I thought he was a decent guy. Which was basically a lie, since he's a sexist and racist, but what can I do about it? FINALLY, he agreed to start over. He writes to me every day from Afghanistan, and I told him how very proud I was of him, winning the star. Which I am.

Back to the washer for a little complaining. I'm pissed that Chick has been laid off; I have no income for at least 12 weeks, and the washer has to break down now of all times. I belong to Consumer Reports online, so I looked up some models. Two Kenmores I liked were reasonably priced and had all the features (I need very few) that I need, EXCEPT for a bleach dispenser. Have you ever heard of such a thing? NO bleach dispenser? Each of those washers was 600+ bucks, and they can't give you one? Boy, was I pissed. I then looked at other brands, concentrating on Whirlpool, and it was the same damn thing!!! WTF?

Chick wanted to go to get one tomorrow, alone. After reading up on them, I told him I want to tag along. I can tell he wants me to let him take care of it, but no way. I'm going to ignore CR, since they only tested a few models, and study the various brands at Sears online. Then I'll be better informed when we go.

I'm still reading fiction like a fiend. It's been entertaining me, as well as taking me away from the daily blues. I'll snap out of it soon--don't worry. I'm just afraid of the weight gain, as all anorexics would be, and desperately don't want to lose my hair. Maybe I won't. I'll just look on the optimistic side when it comes to this. It's the only thing I can do. 


My chubby kitty, the female, is disgusted with her diet food, so she sits by her dish of kibble and stares at me. lol I don't give in, because she has cardiomyopathy and I also don't want her to be a diabetic. Chick, on the other hand, will give her treats. I gave him hell about, so I think he's not doing it anymore. I told him that if she ultimately needs insulin or something, he'll have to give her the shots or pills, not me. I think that made an impression.

I read something that I think all of you know already, but just in case you haven't, I'll talk about it. There was a good amount of evidence that it would be easier for someone who'd had a gastric bypass/roux n y, etc., to maintain their weight than it would be for someone who'd had the band--or even more--the sleeve. That's because the bypass generally removes the area where ghrelin and leptin are formed, leaving the formerly obese person with less hunger. The stats for regaining weight aren't at the tip of my tongue, but sleeve people gained the most back, followed by band people, then the bypass people. 

Also, they wrote about how many sleeve and band patients taught themselves how to "fool the system" and eat things other than what was recommended or allowed. They often ate protein last, too, and filled up on refined foods and desserts/candy, etc.


This really surprised me. It was like the study indicated that bypass patients took the surgery more seriously than those with the other procedures. I'll have to read more on the subject and will let you know what I find.


Oh, my. I sure can talk!

It's been a while.

Tuesday was my important appointment with the Grand Poo-Bahs of the GI service. I'll make it short. They were absolutely wonderful. I've rarely met doctors that respectful of a patient, that invested in explaining everything, that sympathetic to what a patient was going through, in my life. The head guy is nearly 80!!! His Fellow spent most of the time with me (what a sweetheart), then he came in as clean-up man, just like in baseball. The Fellow told me that the Big Guy was very, very conservative in his treatments, so you can imagine the Fellow's and my surprise with Big Guy prescribed a very aggressive course of treatment. He kicked me  up to predisone; a long-acting anti-inflammatory specifically for the bowel; a rectal suppository that treats inflammation, and an anti-cancer drug used in leukemia treatment. My immune system will be taken down so that it will stop attacking my intestines. Yes, I'll be vulnerable to infections, and I'll probably be on the chemo for months. They predicted that I could gain as much as 50 lbs., and that it's possible my hair could fall out.

Only the weight bothers me, and it bothers me to the point of terror when I think about it. Therefore, I've blocked it from my mind. 

They ran some blood tests. One is to make sure that genetically, I can take the chemo without problems. Another was to get a baseline blood value to watch how it is affecting my body. They checked my anemia again. It was remaining stable at 10, which isn't normal, but is damn good compared to before. No transfusion necessary. They also were re-checking my liver values, which were abnormal.

My protein and albumen were exceedingly low. I was startled, and asked how that could be if I were taking in over twice what is required for a woman my age and weight? The Big Guy said that the disease was causing malabsorption, and I wasn't getting much of the nutrition, including protein, that I was eating. He expected that once the inflammation was under control, I'd be able to use the protein again. Then my horrendous edema would go away. By looking at me, he estimated my weight as 100 or so. I told him I thought that was right, and that I'd been very good about trying to gain weight. But my weight on the scale was 121. Eleven pounds of water. That's gonna be some piss-fest once it starts to go.

He also said I should go back to eating normal food, and don't have to be on the low-fiber/residue diet. He said if it were going to work, it already would have. He said he didn't put patients on it except post-op. I was grateful for that, as you might imagine. I'm thinking of all the things I can cook/eat now. I'm pretty sure I'll make sloppy joes tomorrow. Chili the next day. I'll lay off hot peppers, cayenne, etc., since I know they irritate me even under the best of circumstances. He said if there's a food which bothers you once you go back to normal eating, just avoid that.

I have the fixin's for a nice pot roast, or maybe beef stew, here. I would have made them anyway, only with peeled potatoes and no peas, etc. Now I can have them the usual way.

Let's pray this works. If it does, I'll be overjoyed. Maybe I can even go to bed and sleep for several hours. I long to do that. Just so, so, exhausted and weak. 

Chick hasn't been on his bicycle for a few days. I've loved having him home. I feel safe, secure, warm, etc. What's weird is that usually he's watching movies or painting, and I'm reading either a book or on line. So we're not constantly interacting or anything. It's just comforting and wonderful to have him here. 

It was very odd to hear about the earthquake back east. My god! That's what happens here, not there. Then there was one in Colorado, I believe, around the same magnitude, today. WTH?? Scorching heat, which killed people from a variety of states; fires, tornadoes. No wonder some people believe the world will end in 2012. Spooky.


If I go bald, or nearly so, I'm going to learn how to tie scarves in pretty and varied ways, and go that way instead of hats or--god forbid!--wigs. I found a place on line that specializes in scarves for Orthodox Jewish women, and it has the most beautiful stuff. There are a bunch of videos on YouTube on tying scarves, too, so I'll actually see how to do it instead of just reading about it. 


Since you guys having EDs, too, you know how much the thought of gaining that much weight upsets me. Alarms me. Okay, petrifies me. Let's get off that subject again.


I didn't check my email once today. I'll bet my inbox has a zillion emails to go through. Let's go see. . .


Take care of yourselves, my friends. I think about each and every one of you daily. Soon I'll get back to the informational posts. I've been too under the weather to do much real thinking. But I'm planning on getting better, so you'll just have to put up with it! :~)

Just saying goodnight or good morning.

It's almost 1 a.m. here, which makes it Saturday. Chick's beloved bicycle died Wednesday so he bought another one and tested it today. Oh no, no fancy schmancy thing with skinny tires and hardly any seat and 20 gears, etc. Just a common, plain bike like we rode as kids. I don't know if he's going to be riding his 15-20 miles on it every day--it looks kind of heavy. But he's strong. His hip was really bad today so he said he read under a tree by the river for a few hours instead of riding. Then he rode to the park near our apartment and played bocce ball. Such an old man! lol

In weight, I ate more than six pounds of food today. Yeah, hard to believe. I'm sort of in shock. And I'll have more food in about an hour or two. That's over 24 hours, though, because as you know, I don't really sleep, and don't ever go to bed because of my bum problems. My therapist, who I saw today, didn't believe me, saying that anorexics are notoriously inaccurate about their food intake. I replied that when I eat a 2-lb. container of cottage cheese, a 1 1/2 lb. whole piece of pork tenderloin, and two 15-oz. cans of peach chunks in heavy syrup--plus two DINNER plates of pasta salad (olive oil, not mayonnaise)--it's pretty damn accurate. I wonder if there's something that irritates me more than 1. injustice 2. essentially being called a liar. 

The bowel troubles continue with lots of bleeding. Lots. Had the blood tests for the specialist who's squeezing me in Tuesday morning. They're considering steroids, but not until they give a few more tweaks to this safer regimen. God, I hate the thought of them.

I've been reading fiction like a maniac lately, at least one book a day, but usually close to two. The one I just started is really good--a medical thriller. I love that genre, especially when I'm dealing with hospitals. It would be very easy to squirt a bit of deadly, normally undetectable, drugs into my IV line when I get a transfusion. A psychopathic nurse who's been doing "mercy" killings on his/her own for several years just might do that. 

If you don't see me for a long time here, you'll know what happened. :~)

Work left me alone for the past few days. I was getting quite pissed off. This is a medical leave of absence, not a vacation. I'm to have NO stress and was clearly told that doing any work for my employer was off the table. I know that it's a pain to figure out what they're supposed to be doing, as well as how to do it, operate the machines, use the databases, and whatnot, but if I'd died, they'd have to get a clue without me. So don't bug me. I explained this to my supervisor and I think he understands. But if he starts up again, I'll have to get much sterner. I'll never get better if I have to worry about work, too.


Oh, backing up. That cottage cheese intake baffles me. The only dairy I even like is yogurt, and that's only ONE brand. No substitutions. Lots of living bacteria and organic. Anything else--ugh. Why I asked Chick to bring some home is beyond me. I also poured a scheiss-load of sugar on it in order to get it down my throat, which is just as weird since I'm not normally much of a sweet eater. I'm not saying never, just not a regular sweet eater. I don't think I've ever eaten desert after a meal, for instance. I don't crave that, or don't think I do. Let's see what happens tomorrow. He brought home two containers, so I still have one left. I know he won't eat it since he has lactose intolerance (quite severe). 


I have to make more Greek pasta salad tomorrow. Maybe I can convince him to go to the grocery store. I just hate to ask him. He did my laundry for me today. I'm getting way, way, beyond spoiled from all he's done for me this summer. He's always treated me like a queen, but this is incredible. The guilt I feel. 


I wish I had something funny or uplifting to leave you with right now. I'll try to think of something for tomorrow. I believe I've read everyone's blog now, and commented when appropriate. 


Off to sit in a lay-z-boy and continue reading about a virulent, biological weapon (a mutated Marburg/Ebola virus) released into the room when the President is giving his state of the union address. Every member of the legislature, Supreme Court, cabinet, executive branch, plus about 300 journalists, special invitees, et al., has been exposed to it--except one. And only one scientist has a chance at reversing it--an alleged terrorist, held in isolation at a maximum security prison in the Rockies. He was one of the engineers of the virus, and was working on an antidote when arrested. Can he discover a cure in time? And will the group which claims credit for the attack--Genesis--provide the antidote they claim to have if the president meets their terms?


See you guys tomorrow.

Nothing much.

Hi, guys. I've been reading your blogs again, which is a lot of fun, except for when you have troubles. Otherwise, I enjoy reading your thoughts and your opinions--what things are meaningful in your lives--and especially how you view the world.

Got my two pints of blood on Wednesday. The appointment was for 1 p.m., so we arrived at 12:45 to try to be the first in line. It worked! It was sad, though, since non-emergency transfusions are given in the oncology building where they do chemo. Everyone else in there, as far as I could see, was a chemo patient of long standing. No hair; emaciated, etc. Oddly, there was only one woman. I heard two nurses discussing Taxol, so she was a breast cancer patient, and had to be post-menopausal. The man next to me had both his daughter and his son there to keep him company, and a third son showed up later, probably after work. The support of his children...He must be a much-loved father to them. 

Anyway, each pint (two) took over two hours to drip. Then they made me wait a half hour to make sure I didn't have transfusion shock or whatever it's called. They're very, very careful, which I appreciated, but I thought I'd never get out of there. Chef drove me, and I asked him to just drop me off and come back later. He refused. Instead, he sat beside me, reading a book, the whole time. It felt good to have him there, but I felt guilty. He's been taking such good care of me--too much. I feel as though I ruined his summer with all of my medical appointments, but he said I'd do the same for him. That was optimistic! lol I read a book, too, and the time passed better than it might have otherwise. But we didn't get home until around 5:30. I did nothing, but was exhausted. The chair was so bad that it triggered my back pain. (I broke some vertebrae and herniated two disks in a diving accident in college. I also broke three vertebrae in my neck. As Chef always says, I should be happy I didn't die, which is true, or be paralyzed forever. (I was, for about 24 hours. It was terrifying.)

Chef went grocery shopping and bought me some liver, beef tenderloin, and pork tenderloin. We had liver and onions that night, then I had red meat cooked off to chip at for the rest of the week. You don't have to have expensive cuts of meat to improve anemia. Cheap cuts will do just as well, in strengthening my blood. But he knows I don't care much for meat except ground beef and a few other cuts of meat. 

I've been reading medical thrillers one right after the other. I love them, and with my current distaste for everything medical, they satisfy my need to see the death and destruction of hospitals. I get all of them from Amazon, used. They come in cheap, sometimes as little as a penny plus shipping. 

I really don't have much to say. Sorry. I'll see you again, with nothing to say then, either. LOL

Man, I've done it again.

I've been well enough to have posted here every day, but got so back-logged on reading yours that I'd say to myself, "Self, don't worry about it. You can post after you're done reading." Obviously, I didn't. Part of that is that I have nothing much to say. I haven't done any reading or research on our eating disorders, and that's the whole purpose of this. It's evolved into a personal blah-blah-blah about me, which bores me to death. Nothing happens in my life as it does in all of yours. Oh, well. 

I have to get two pints of blood at 1 p.m. today. Each pint takes 1 1/2 - 2 hours to deliver. Chick is going to have to wait there, reading, because I can't drive myself. Still too dizzy--and a bit confused--to drive. Shit. What happened is that my UC became worse, and apparently I've been have a lot of bleeding. I've only noticed it two or three times, but it must be happening in a more occult way, too. My count was very low a couple of weeks ago, and my family doc said that I met the criteria for transfusion; however, he said we could try heavy iron supplements and red meat to see if that would take care of it. I liked that idea better. But I had a CBC Monday, and the red blood cell count had dropped, not even stayed stable. He called me Monday night (he's never called me in 20 years) and told me it was time for a transfusion. 

I should have much more energy, get rid of the dizziness, get my brain unfuzzed, etc., immediately after. It's like giving a thirsty person water. Instant satisfaction. I sure hope this pumps up the count, and that the colitis quiets down, so that this doesn't become routine. And then I can go back to work. 

Been reading a lot of fiction for the past few weeks, which isn't common for me. Generally, I read non-fiction. I forgot how much fun it is. I'll be taking two books with me for the transfusion. They're both large print, so no matter how thick they are, they're fast reads. I'm halfway through one and don't want to be caught without anything to read while I sit there.

Okay. Gonna eat something before I go. You guys take care of yourselves, yes? I hope to see you later.

I made a decision, and it was terribly difficult.

Since I already knew that stress could trigger all of the medical problems I'm having, I tried my best this summer to do meditation, creative visualization, relaxation exercises, and so on, in order to help heal. But there was always the Aug. 10 deadline in my mind--the first day of our returning to work. I had to be better by then. Since Chick had  no job nor health insurance, it was up to me. I was just desperate to go into remission from everything by now. But such was not to be. In fact, today I'm having a worse flare than for the previous two or three weeks.

I saw my therapist Friday. He saw that I could barely walk, and the look of severe pain on my face. He saw my extreme fatigue. Finally, he asked if I were going to call my docs to obtain medical support for a medical leave of absence. I didn't answer. I just couldn't bring myself to give up. So we talked for a while, and I knew I had to do it. So I called the GI specialist's and left a message; sent an email to my family doc, and sent an email to my principal to tell them I needed a medical leave. My principal has no clue whatsoever that I've been ill in any way, and I'm not giving her much time to scramble for coverage. I've been checking in to things meantime. I don't qualify for state disability because since they cut my hours back at work to save money, I didn't make enough in the past 12 months. However, if I get an FMLA leave, my employer has to hold my job open for me and pay my health insurance premiums for three months. If I can get better in that amount of time, everything will be fine. If not? We're screwed.

I'm in a lot of pain today. On a scale of 1-10, it's about an 8 or 8.5. Obviously, nothing but narcotics can eradicate that level, but so far, I'm refusing. I might have to take something so that I can get some sleep, though, if I'm not waking up twice an hour to go to the bathroom. 

Yes, more whining. Part of me, once I made the decision to take the leave, felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. Another part is scared. The one who's talking to you right now is extremely sad. 

Here's hoping that tomorrow I'll be in a better mood for you guys.

Briefly, I had a hankering for what I call my Greek Pasta salad. Pasta, seeded tomatoes cut into strips, Kalamata olives, feta cheese, artichoke hearts, red onion, and a dressing of olive oil/sunflower oil with basil and oregano. I made it yesterday and ate two servings today. I still have a bunch left over. It's not as low-fiber as it should be, but it's close. I had to leave out some of the things I wanted due to fiber, but it still tastes great. Any other olive and feta fans out there? Come on over and we'll share.

Hi, guys.

I don't know how many of you still have links to my blog. I wouldn't blame you if you've dumped me, but I'm going to try to briefly catch you up on what's been going on.

I believe I told you that they were quite suspicious that I had colon cancer. Finally they diagnosed me as having ulcerative colitis (UC), a chronic, serious, irritable bowel disease (IBD). It has been life-changing. It's not caused by stress; however, it's made worse by stress. I think that's why it started to flare up before the summer break, when I was having so much trouble at work. I haven't needed any more transfusions lately, but they'll do at least one if my severely bad anemia doesn't improve by August 15.

They tested for everything. Celiac disease; gluten intolerance; a whole host of food allergies, parasites and bacterial infections, and so on. All were negative. They guessed it was Crohn's Disease before the biopsies came back. I don't know which would be worse to have. It's kind of crazy to try to compare illnesses, don't you think?

They want me to gain 10 to 20 pounds. I've tried. There's no way to tell if my gain of nearly 10 pounds is fat or water. My edema is horrible. In the middle of my right leg, I sprung a leak, so to speak, and water runs down my leg constantly, soaking my shoe. I was protein deficient, so I've had to push it, and have been successful with that. But it might be weeks before the swelling goes down.

The beginning of fall semester is close at hand, and it seems as though unless there's a miracle, I won't be able to make it. I'm a nervous wreck. We need the money badly, and the health insurance even more. Under federal law, we're allowed to pay for health insurance ourselves for 18 months. That will pretty well destroy what little savings we have. Oh, well. This has happened twice before during our marriage, which is why it seems as though we'll never be able to retire. We'll just have to get over it.

Then I got excruciating pain in my left groin and where my femur joins my hip socket. This started over a week ago. Some days it was better, so I figured I'd strained or pulled a muscle somehow. As it turns out, it's arthritis. I've always had a little osteoarthritis there, but it never was debilitating, and NEVER caused this kind of pain. I can barely walk. So my health has kind of fucked up my whole summer. My great and good spouse has driven me all over god's creation to doctors and tests, plus cooked for me and otherwise taken so much care of me. He's a saint, I think.

I've been, therefore, in lots of pain. I put myself on a high protein, high calorie, low fiber, low residue diet. I figured that if I could "rest" my bowel, it would have some time to heal and throw me into a remission. When I saw the dietician, she said I'd developed a terrific eating plan, and only gave me a few tips to add. She also said I don't need to see her again unless some problem comes up. It was nice to be supported and listened to.

I think that's pretty much it on the health front.

I'm so disappointed that Allan no longer blogs. I very much looked forward to reading his blog at least until the end of Phase Six. He inspired me, and so many others. I hope that he changes his mind at some point. I miss him terribly.

I've been so sick that I haven't even been able to keep up with your blogs, but started today. It'll take a while, that's for sure, but will be worth it. 

I'm going to give it my best to write daily or at least every other day. Oh! I cut my hair, or rather Chick cut it. It's only to my shoulders. I'd had it to my waist, then to mid-back, then bra strap length, and now as short as I'll take it. I look awful with short hair. 

Okay. I just wanted to let you know I'm back; what's been happening with my health, etc. I'm very happy about reading you guys again! I hope to find out that you're doing well and are happy. xo

Update

Things have been rather awful around here. First, I had no modem for two weeks. Then we had a huge party to cater (over 1,000, and just the three of us!). Two days later, I fell, one thing led to another, and I went to the ER. They gave me a liter of saline and two pints of blood. Chef was with me the full 12 hours of the ordeal. My treatment in the ER was simply horrible. I signed myself out against doctor's orders and went home.

Four hours later, Chef received a phone call to come in. He suspected what would happen, and he was right. After doing the party for them, and their knowing he was doing all that work from Wednesday to prep (he started work Thursday at midnight and continued through Saturday and Sunday, they let him go. They said he could make them as much money as an outside corporation could make for them. So after 13 years, it was a business decision. He doesn't mind, actually--he understands business decisions. If they'd said his food was bad, he would have been extremely upset.

I got my modem, but then my computer died. How can this timing be more awful? So I ordered a Dell model I was familiar with over the phone. It has to be built, so I have to wait until July 6 (at the earliest) for it to arrive, and who knows how long to set it up, migrate data, etc. I'm so angry.

I have to have an emergency colonoscopy on Thursday. The urgency of it has me scared beyond scared. We all know what that can mean.

I'm borrowing a computer right now just to keep you up to date. I doubt I'll be able to do so again unless a miracle of computers occurs.

Take it easy; I've been thinking of all of you every day.

Embarrassed, profound apology.

I don't know what to say except that I'm terribly sorry for not posting and keeping this up-to-date. It's rude, and I'm not carrying my load. I think of you all as friends now, and one doesn't leave friends without saying a word. I can only hope that you forgive me.

There are lots of explanations why, but no excuse. I won't get into it, except to say that both mental and physical health were shot. I'm exhausted right now, but need to make contact with you guys. I think that will make me better.

Only nine more days of the semester to go, then off for the summer. A lot of people think that faculty at schools get paid for these breaks, but we're not. Still, I'd rather pinch pennies than work all year round. I doubt I could do this job if I didn't get the breaks I get. I've been working full time recently because my coworker just up and quit, so they asked me to do that, and offered me a full time contract for next year! I'm thrilled at finally being able to live without all those money problems all the time and the real fear that we'll never be able to retire. My salary/hours have been cut 50% over the past few years, and my husband's 20%. We've needed to use up savings to make it. I kept the job because mentally/physically, I just can't do it without breaks.

Too much boring info. Enough of that.

Discover magazine has an article on brain function and obesity this month which has been eye-opening for me. If true, I'm not happy, at least for dieters. People who've had gastric bypasses/bariatric surgery are in good luck here, as long as certain surgical procedures are followed. I'm definitely going to get into this with you, because I'd love your opinions. 

Thanks, Princess, for the inquiry on how I'm doing. My spam catcher caught it, and since I haven't been reading, I didn't see it. I caught up with Allan today, and everyone else later. I'm excited that he and Sue are going to have a child to care for. I don't know if that means adoption or fostering, but it's an incredibly life-changing event. His weight loss has wrought tremendous alterations in his life. Were it me, I'd wait a bit to catch my breath, but he's a type A kind of guy. Want it? Do it. Do it now.

I should think up a pseudonym for my husband, don't you think? It might be Chick, since that was his nickname all his life until we moved cross-country. Does that resonate with you guys?

I didn't finish out my blogging class; just didn't have the time or energy to do it. I'm going to sign up for the next summertime class, when I have the time to devote attention to it. Yes, I've wasted money, but live and learn. When am I ever going to learn, hmmm?

Please forgive me, my friends. I'll do my ultimate best never to let something like this happen again unless I'm in the hospital or something like that. I'll teach Chick how to get here. He's never been on a website before in his life, so that should be interesting.

Take care and I hope to see you again tonight or tomorrow night.

Update

Oh, kids, it's a mess. I wanted to see my doctor last week while I was off on break, but he was on vacation. He's back in the office tomorrow, so I'll see him then. The IBS is no better, and now I have pitting edema in my legs. The last time I had this, it was from anemia, which I do have, based on my most recent blood tests. So I'm sure he'll Rx iron again. I'm gaining weight, and it could be from water, but you know how upsetting that can be to someone like me.

Caron, I watched the Oprah episode on OWN through my PC--thank you! I only wish they were all available on line, because I won't be able to watch them in real time. Bummer. I see that the leader of the program believes as I do, that all of the disorders are the same under the skin, from obesity to AN, BED, COE, BN, BED, EDNOS, etc. I hope this show changes some minds about the whole subject regarding that. She did mention that it was a controversial belief.

I have over 2000 emails in my home inbox, and lord knows how many at work. I'm just so behind in everything. I have to let the stress go or it'll make everything worse, especially the IBS.

But I'm okay. Don't worry--I'm doing fine. I appreciate your concern more than you can know. Thank you for being there for me.

I hope everyone had a good holiday, if you celebrate one, and a good weekend in general. Take care, my friends.

Obesity and eating disorders; odds and ends.

I bought a domain: obesityandeatingdisorders.com. I'm taking a class on learning how to blog. I want to set this puppy up and go with it once I know what I'm doing. My hope is that some of you will be willing to be interviewed after it gets underway--by first name only or pseudonym--and anorexics, bingers, bulimics, et al. It's kind of scary to think about it, but I've been thinking about it for a while.

You might ask where I'm going to get the time to do this, since I haven't been here in so long. I have a confession to make which is a little embarrassing. It seems I've developed irritable bowel syndrome (IBS, not irritable bowel disease, IBD). It won't kill me, and it might go into remission, but for the last two months it's been getting slowly worse and worse. I'm now having diarrhea up to 20 or more times a day. I never had this before.

I had three minor accidents at work last week, and am terrified it's going to get worse. My best friend is coming to visit tomorrow for the first time in a long time (he lives across the country) and I can't leave the house to go out to dinner, or go for a ride, or do anything. I have to be near a toilet at all times.

I have some medicine which helps a little bit. I'm scared to death about next year, working full time again. What will I do if it doesn't go into remission? Apparently, stress is a big trigger. Oh, good. Just what I need.

I'll get back here to write about the things I've been reading--I hope tonight. I'm on spring break, so it should be more relaxing for me. I must get my nerves under control. I'm going to write here first, before reading all of your blogs, then read your blogs, getting caught up, and commenting. I miss it here among my comrades in the ED battle.

I had a talk with my therapist about the things that were bothering me, and which had led me not to trust him anymore. At first, he tried to explain why he'd said those things. I said that's all very well and good, but I'm not here to listen to your reasons. I'm here to tell you how what you said made me feel, how harsh and cruel they were, and how you must tailor your therapeutic style to your patient. You said I was the sickest you'd ever seen me? Then why did you choose that moment to kick me when I was down? Did you think that would help? The sickest you ever saw me? That takes a lot of nerve. And I went on about it until I was sure he "got" it. He seemed to be stunned. He apologized pro forma. I said that wouldn't do. He had to understand the damage he'd done. That I'd been coming to see him with dread and mistrust, and I wasn't going to do that anymore.

He apologized sincerely--twice--after we talked about it for a while. He said it must have been hard to confront him so solidly, with no apologies for my side of it, as I usually do. I told him that if I'd learned anything from him over the years, it was how to set boundaries and get what I need out of people. Yes, it was difficult; however, I wasn't willing to give up on something I'd worked so hard on with someone I'd gotten to know well over a few bad sessions. If I had to, I certainly would. But I'd rather put some effort into it and see if I could make it work.

That worked out, then. We'll see what happens in the future. He's been put on notice I won't tolerate attacks--and I told him that's how I saw his statements--and if I have to leave, I'll leave. But I didn't think that with new understanding and willingness to work on both our parts that would have to happen.

He said he really cares about me, as a person, not just as a patient. And he was honestly afraid I would become ill as a result of my extreme weight loss. We discussed the physical problems I've had over it, and how they'll get worse with the IBS. I'm not allowed to eat anything with a lot of fiber (fruits and vegetables), peas, corn, most beans, whole grains (I sometimes ignore this and eat rye bread.). I'm limited to meat and starch. . . a very bad diet, to my mind. My doc says this is temporary, just until the inflammation quiets down. If I eat anything, even a piece of bread, it triggers an episode. So when I work second shift, I get up around 7 a.m. and don't have a thing to eat until 4 p.m. when I get home. Then I spend the rest of the night on the pot, unable to sleep. The next day, I work from 7 - 11:30, having been up all night, and don't eat anything until I get home at noon. It's not a good way to live.

My ankles are swollen again with pitting edema. That frequently happens when my anemia is bad. I'm gaining a pound a day as a result. I'm going to write to my doc to see if he wants me to take the diuretic again. I don't want to, but I know that pitting edema can be dangerous.

IOW, I'm a mess! I apologize for going on here, but it's really helping me to get this off my chest. Sharing--or more accurately, whining to you guys--really helps me sometimes, and it's helping now.

I've had some fun, though. Baked a loaf of Italian sesame bread, shaped into a braid. It's not only pretty, it tastes great. I left the seeds off due to the fiber. I'm going to have a piece when I get back from the dentist today. I'm going to make my superb (hah!) meatloaf when I get back, too, with roasted potatoes. I hate to brag, but due to experience and study, plus being married to a chef and having an expert cook in my gram, I'm an excellent cook. But I am one lousy baker, lol. Learning to bake is my new hobby and it's so much fun. A lot of my baked stuff ends up in the garbage can, I admit it. But my focus is breads, and there, I'm doing pretty well. My sweets just don't do it, unless they're yeast-based, such as cinnamon rolls. I need a mixer and a good oven, but we rent, so we have to deal with what we have, which is typical landlord junk. I have to call an oven repairman. One of our burners, the one I use most often, is out. Maybe he'll be able to calibrate the temp in the oven. That will be difficult, so I might not bother. She didn't even buy a self-cleaning oven, and it's 2011! I'll sure bet she has one. How cheap she can be. She goes on about what good tenants we are, and how we never ask for anything, etc. What's the point? We just pay for it ourselves.

Okay. I'm done whining. Thanks so much for listening. It means a lot to me.

Super quickie.

I'm at work, and hate to write from here. My phone and internet have been down for a couple of days now, so I haven't been able to post. It's supposed to get fixed tonight, so I hope to write tonight or tomorrow. I've been sad not to have my internet and be able to read what you've written and keep up with you guys!

Take care of yourselves and I miss you. I've gotten some reading time in, though, so that's good.

Long time no see.

When I began this blog, I wanted to post once a day. Now look at me--skipping whole days. I've even skipped writing my book chapter summaries. I have to be more disciplined and get on the ball here. I'm behind  in reading your writing, even, something I always keep up with. But I've been this way even at work. Lots of work trouble, money trouble, migraine trouble, and other pain problems are interfering with my life. They must go and real life must come back. I'll work on that.

I got another book in the mail from Amazon yesterday that I think will be perfect for us. It's Psychological Responses to Eating Disorders and Obesity: Recent and Innovative Work. It was published in 2008 in England. Don't worry about the English side of it. I've read their stuff and seen documentaries made there that were more up to date that ours, that's for sure. But let's see before we judge it, okay? Then we can judge. Definitely have to steal some Post-Its from work because I can't get to the stationery store for a few weeks and I need them before then. I know--I can stick a buck or two in our petty cash box. There--that solves the problem. I hate copping anything from work.

Okay. Gotta go. There's a sale at King Arthur Flour and with my new bread baking hobby, I want to order some things. If you order over $60 worth of stuff, you get free postage. They're expensive, so I can easily make that big an order. I hate spending any money right now, but I need the stuff, so I'll be spending it soon, anyway. Better do it without $20 postage!

Take care today.

Apology for not writing something intelligent.

Haven't been reading anything regarding EDs for a couple of days, so I haven't been able to post about it. I hope you don't mind. In one of my new books, the compare and contrast the suspected causes and outcomes of obesity, AN, and BN. There's an obvious link with binge eat among all of them, of course. And most AN is triggered by a weight loss diet that progresses to AN in a susceptible person. But that 's not a cause of AN.

I'll try to find that and do it tonight unless I run into something more interesting tonight.

I hope you all have a good day today--Karen, I especially hope there's some sun for you.

Pissed off that I didn't bake bread.

I think I told you that they cut my hours in half and switched me two days a week to second shift from mornings every day. I hate second shift, and the financial loss has been truly bad, since my DH was cut 20%. We're hurting, in other words. Fortunately, we had some savings, so we've been able to make it through, but I sure never thought I'd be using savings for everyday living. Well enough whining.

The point is that Mondays are a second shift day, and I always look forward to excellent bread for breakfast Monday morning. I don't have any today. Boo hoo. We're in three wars in the Middle East, and I'm concerned with bread. I can be so selfish.

I'm going to calculate time to see if I can bake tomorrow. I know I have enough time to make focaccia, but I don't like it as much as a loaf of Italian bread with sesame seeds on top, formed into a pretty braid. Or challah. Aaaah. I'd love some challah. I'm happy my body tolerates carbs well, because I love many high-carb foods. However, I could use more protein in my diet, so I'll make a strong effort to get more.

Allan's post this morning was poignant. How well I remember the name-calling when I was overweight. I think it's even worse if it starts when you're a child, because that's when you're developing your entire self-image and respect for yourself. It continued, in my case, into adulthood. I can only imagine what it was like for him, and other obese people--a hundred times worse? Why are people so horrid to fat people? They aren't hurting anyone. You know the high-IQ group, Mensa? A study was done on the members and they found that Mensa members had a higher rate of obesity than the general population. Could it be lifestyle, in that they tend to read instead of work out? Smart people read. I'm not saying that people who work out are dumb. I'm saying that people who read are smarter than people who don't. If you disagree, fine, but I'm not going to change my mind. I've never met a smart person who didn't read, but I've met plenty of dumb ones who don't.

Yeah, I'm feeling snippy this morning. Karen's cranky, too. I guess it's just a shitty Monday. I was reading some good stuff last night on EDs, including obesity. Can't wait to blog on that, and how they're related.

Hope to see you later today, and hope everyone in a funk gets out of it and feels better, okay?

Rambling on a cool, breezy day; Almost Gastric Bypass

Sometimes I love this climate. It's a little overcast (for here; for back east, it's sunny), but there have been gentle to moderate winds all day, and it's cool--maybe 75 or so. Beautiful. I've been sitting at this computer all day due to my GI upset. I didn't even bake bread, and was so looking forward to it all week. Maybe I can do it on a weekday if I plan it just right.

Remember how upset I was last week that I'd gained from 95.1 to 95.9? This week, I was 94.5. What a relief! Now, I'm not stupid. I know it's likely to be water loss with all of the intestinal stuff. Still, when those numbers come up on the scale, they make me happy anyway.

Can someone write in my comments why, during the Challenges, it's been so important to drink all that water? That's just impossible for me. I keep forgetting, for one thing. And even when I'm thirsty, I can't drink all that much during the workweek because I'm not allowed to go to the restroom whenever I want to. Still, I like to try on the weekends. What does it do for the body? I read somewhere that it reduces migraines. Is that so?

Sorry to be so ignorant, but Allen's blog doesn't have a search function. Maybe I'll go all the way back to the beginning and read it. I did go pretty far back, but not all the way. Now that I sort of "know" him better, I'd like to read everything he wrote.

I sincerely hope I've spelled Allen's name right. I've seen it as Allan, too, so I'm not sure. If it's misspelled, let me know and I'll correct it.

He was on a tear today, wasn't he? Do you blame him? Karen, what you wrote about not all people were ready reminded me so much of myself and smoking. What a waste of years and money invested in the most dangerous thing you can do to yourself. I wish I'd snorted coke instead of inhaling nicotine, frankly. (Coke is God's way of telling you that you make too much money.) And I'll never outlive some of the negative health effects I earned from it. But I just wasn't ready to quit until I did.

Back to Allen, and I've said these things before, so skip ahead. He's working his diet hard in such a difficult situation because of his job. I'd pick up several entrees and go nuts with them if I worked there. Do you see the beauty of some of those dishes? Anyway, he's doing it, he says, because he broke that chair, had an epiphany, and decided he didn't want to die, or worse still--live as an invalid. Or at least I think he was afraid of the latter. If you've ever seen a heart patient in a wheel chair, you'll know what I mean.

He's smart, persuasive, charming, and had contacts. He researched bariatric surgery. He saw the diet he had to follow pre-op and post-op. He had another epiphany: if I have to eat like this with the surgery, why can't I just eat this way and lose the weight without it? Hence a great idea was born for him, keeping in mind it wouldn't work for everyone. He started a blog. Many came. Many learned. Many joined in the fight. He was able to make a deal to get a marvelous, nutritious, weight loss plan that would normally cost people thousands of dollars, for free. The plan was vetted by bariatric specialists in medicine and nutrition. All people had to do was follow the plan, and they would lose xxx amount of weight in a tad over a year. (Is it 15 months? I forget.) He's lost over 180 lbs. since last June, right? Not even a year. The Plan requires: 1. healthy eating, 2. lots of fluids, and 3. mild to moderate exercise. That's it. Yup, the good, old-fashioned, low-cal diet. Don't cut out all carbs. Don't cut out all meats. Don't cut out all fats. Just less of all of it. No strenuous exercise, just some walking. No expensive purchases. Water is free from the tap. And he's lost over 180 lbs. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

More deals. In addition to the free medical advice, he's managed to get wonderful prizes for those who've achieved their goal weights as a percentage based on their original weight, etc. I can understand it but can't explain it. There are two top prizes. One will definitely be awarded. The other is identical, but is a personal challenge to one person in the plan. If she doesn't earn it, no one gets it. The prize is worth thousands of dollars, too. All together, the rest of the prizes tally well over a grand or two and it might be more, because I don't remember them all--there are just too many. So if health doesn't motivate you, and vanity doesn't motivate you--hell's bells: what about sheer greed? I thought money motivated everyone.

Okay. There are some people who, for medical reasons, had to drop out. That's very different and everyone knows that, although not everyone could have predicted it. But those who dropped out because they'd rather eat the way they always have, lost an opportunity they will never have again. I'm not giving up hope for them, though, because the time will come when some of them decide they can't go on living the way they're living now. They'll have their own epiphanies, and take off the weight, changing their lives. Others will not be as fortunate.

I feel bad for him. Though he's said a hundred times that he blogs for himself--and I believe that's true--I believe he also wants to help as many people as he can to get to their goals, succeed at something they've only dreamed of all their lives, and give them the opportunity to finally find real hope and ultimately, success. He has a huge heart, great humanity, and a remarkable generosity.

Only about half remain in the Challenge. I guarantee you he's disappointed. I'd be angry, at least for a little while. Different personalities, I guess.

Maybe you shouldn't give people things. It's like lending a friend money. That's the last time you'll see them because they don't want to pay it back. If they do want to pay it back, yet can't afford it, they disappear out of embarrassment. Either way, they're gone. Same with the Challenge people. They were given a huge amount, all for free. They can't pay it back with weight loss, so they've flown the coop. But 36 remain. Those 36 are a badge of honor, and are honorable themselves.

I've wandered far afield here, but I had to get some of this off my chest. I should have only said: Those who left the Challenge for real reasons. . . I'm sorry you're sick, and hope you get better (if possible) as soon as you can. Those who left because they couldn hack it. . . you lost a once in a lifetime opportunity. Those who've remained in the Challenge. . . no matter how much nor how little you've lost, you're honorable, hard-working people. You made a commitment and you're sticking to it. Fabulous!

And Allen? He's a great, great, guy.

Nothing much.

I called my therapist at 4:30 this morning and cancelled. I was up late with GI stuff and hardly got any sleep. But the real reason is that I just didn't want to see him. At the next visit (when I'll have to pay for today, too), I'm going to confront him about the things he said--mean things, imo--about my body and my anorexia. I'll tell him as well that it not only didn't help, it made me spiral downward into a funk, which isn't what I see him for. If he rejects what I have to say, I'm going to stop seeing him. We've done very good work on other issues, and he's been a tremendous help. But he's too close emotionally to EDs because of his mother's bulimia to be of any help with me. It's going to be difficult to do, which is why I'm waiting until the next appointment, scheduled during spring break. I'll have several days to recover, if I need them. So that's that.

Sorry I made this all about me this morning. I'll do some reading tonight and get back to you then or tomorrow morning.

Cancer and obesity, plus my boring visit to the doc.

*Sigh* It didn't go so well at the doctor's, but it wasn't awful. I didn't realize that I'd lost so much weight since my last visit (in clothes/shoes). I was 103! two months ago, and 97 yesterday--six pounds in two months. I'm not complaining, mind you, but he wasn't happy. He asked me if I was still seeing my mental health people and I said yes. He replied, "That's good, except that they don't seem to be doing much for you." I told him not to blame them too much; that while my therapist was clueless, the psychiatrist was trying. I was the one at fault. He didn't say anything. He wanted to do a variety of blood work since I've been anemic for around two years
.
My blood tests showed that my electrolytes, while low, were still within normal limits, so I didn't have to go back on potassium. However, my continual anemia was much worse. He says that, plus excessive diarrhea, are probably the cause of my fatigue. He also thinks the malabsorption is responsible for some of my weight loss, which is logical. So I'm back on iron tablets for now (other stuff if it gets even worse again) and a med for intestinal trouble. He also thinks that one of the meds I take for my nausea from the chronic migraines could be causing the GI distress, so I had to go off that cold turkey. I sure hope something helps. I was nauseated all day without it, and had to dose myself with a migraine abortifacient twice today. Not pleasant--a painful day.

Otherwise, everything is fine. LOL. I know that all that was too much information, and not the most elevating of topics to boot (diarrhea), but if you want to know what poor nutrition will bring you, just look at my diet. I'll let Ice Queen, Karen, and Twix tell you about my hair, skin, and nails. What a mess.

Now for serious stuff.

An area I wanted to know more about was the constant mention of the relationship between obesity and cancer. I've known about the elevated risk in women for breast cancer for years, but was surprised at the constant reference to cancer as a generic disease as it relates to obesity in men and women. This is from Weight in America: etc.

"Overweight increases the risk of developing several types of cancer, including cancers of the colon, esophagus, gallbladder, kidney, liver, and prostate, as well as uterine. . . and postmenopausal breast cancer. Excessive weight gain during adult life increases the risk for several of these cancers.

. . .a gain of more than twenty pounds from age eighteen to midlife doubles a woman's risk of breast cancer, and even more modest weight gains are associated with increased risk. . . The IARC also asserted that obesity increases the risk of breast cancer in postmenopausal women by as much as 40%."

Other relative, but significant risks between obesity and cancer showed up in colorectal cancer among premenopausal women and all men; pancreatic cancer, especially those who had a tendency to gain abdominal weight, and AML (acute myelogenous leukemia). It's completely unknown how obesity would increase any risk, recurrence or mortality. Perhaps it's eating habits, such as a high-fat, high calorie, diet, or physical inactivity, that actually increase it. Thus one of the healthier obese people we've talked about, who eat a highly nutritious diet and are very active, wouldn't have the risk levels as the unhealthier ones.

One recent finding, off the subject, which has been intriguing me is the relationship between obesity and lack of sleep. It's felt that the hormone leptin, which regulates appetite, is reduced when there's a lack of sleep. Here are the stats: People who got less than four hours of sleep a night were 73% more likely to be obese. "People who averaged five hours of sleep had 50% greater risk, and those who got six hours had 23% greater risk of obesity." It doesn't hurt to get more sleep, and if there's the remote possibility that it can help dieters and maintainers to keep losing or maintaining, I think it's worth trying for. We all know the important role that sleep plays in memory, clarity of thought, alertness, and concentration. Isn't that enough to force us to go to bed earlier? (Apparently not. I never get enough sleep and my brain and memory can be quite fuzzy as a result.)

There's more, but I think you get the drift. Certainly some kinds of breast cancer are related to increased female hormones, which are elevated in obese women. But it doesn't say if the breast cancer they're talking about is estrogen/progesterone dependent or negative. Just as certainly, other environmental factors and genetic ones are at least as responsible for developing breast cancer as far as they know now. Since there are several different types of breast cancer, we can't make any leap until more information is gathered. However, it's a frightening and potentially lethal disease which we should try to avoid if at all possible. While lung cancer still beats breast cancer in mortality rates among women, that's primarily because lung cancer is deadlier at close to a 100% mortality rate, whereas breast cancer is around 50/50.

Let's be careful to recognize that these are statistical relationships only. No one is saying that obesity causes pancreatic cancer. However, the stats are highly correlated with each other, thus very much deserving of further inquiry.

Okay. I'm starting to get yet another migraine at this time of night--uncommon for me--so I'll sign off and just read. Eat nutritiously, sleep right, stick to your diet plans, and I'll see you tomorrow.

Quickie.

I see my FP today for a weigh in. He used to make me come once a month, but decided to let me go two months in between them. I've lost weight since I was last there. He will be displeased. The minimum he wants me at is 103 in clothes (100 naked at home). I got to that, totally freaked out, and began dieting to get it off, which I did. But now it's time to pay the piper. I just hope he doesn't make me start coming in once a month again.

I don't play any tricks with him. I could put heavy things in my bun (I have long hair), pockets, shoes, etc., and weigh in that way. I could drink a lot of water and hold my urine until after. I could do a number of things. But I don't with him. I could never disappoint him--he's the best doctor I've ever had, and he really cares about me. I can't lie to him, so I'll take it on the chin. We'll see what happens.

I got another book in the mail from Amazon yesterday. It's the one that was a penny plus shipping. It's in perfect condition, which I never expected. The title is Weight in America: Obesity, eating disorders, and other health related risks. It's full of graphs, charts, numbers, numbers, numbers, and statistics. I didn't expect that since it wasn't in the book description. I thought it would only be writing. But I've looked at the stats and think they'll be useful, so that's good.

I'm having some trouble at work with a coworker, as I may have mentioned before. I feel out of control over my job and whenever that happens, I don't eat in order to have control over something. I was very frank with him yesterday and the day before, and felt pretty good about it. I don't find it easy to confront people who are harming me, but I couldn't let it go. I doubt it'll work, but it helped me.

Okay. Time to go to work.

Ramblings.

I'm done with the Grilo book, Eating and Weight Disorders, and will be starting either The Body Betrayed, or Eating Disorders. I also ordered two more books from Amazon--one very expensive, and one only one cent, which kind of makes up for it--with good sections on obesity. In fact, one is only about obesity, I believe. I think I've discussed all that would be of interest to us in Eating and Weight Disorders.

I got a copy of last month's Scientific American magazine because the cover story was on obesity. There was nothing new in it except talking about support groups and behavioral psychology, most of which we know. With a third of Americans obese, they felt that the best way to attack the problem was with diet and nutritional therapy with a registered dietician (a multi-pronged approach), but with behavioral counseling, too. They stressed the importance of group therapy, however, which surprised me, and said that virtual group support was just as good as face-to-face group support. That's what our circle here is doing, IMO. We're all virtually supporting each other.

I don't know if they meant group support for all EDs or just obesity. I tend to think it would work well for anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, EDNOS, and compulsive overeating, too. I know that when an anorexic is hospitalized, she's put into group therapy along with private sessions. That makes sense to me. I don't think group therapy is for everyone, nor for every psych problem, but I think it makes sense for EDs of all kinds.

I was really disappointed in the article because Scientific American is usually quite detailed about its cover story. It was only three pages long and mentioned genetics, neurotransmitters, and environment in passing. There wasn't any in-depth coverage or discussion of them. I expected more. I could have learned the same thing in Newsweek or Time, you know?

I hope Allan blogs more tomorrow. I like it when he does three entries. Guess I've gotten very spoiled! He's not blogging for us. I have to keep remembering that. He just didn't need to, or want to, do it three times today. But I sure miss it.

I'm up way too late this evening. I'll be sorry for it tomorrow, because I'll only get four hours sleep. Sleep tight. See you tomorrow.

Bariatric surgery.

I read about bariatric surgery today. The first surgeries for weight control in this country began in the early 1950's, with jejuno-colic bypass at the beginning, to jejuno-ileal (JI) bypass from 1954 through the 1970's. The initial surgeries worked through malabsorption. Many had to be redone due to the nutritional deficiences caused by the surgery. Along came refinements, and the Roux-en-Y gastric bypass (RYGB) was born. It and its variants are very successful, safe, and have fewer post-op complications. These surgeries are now done by laparoscopic surgery, vastly reducing recuperation, pain, complications, cost, scarring, etc. People return to their normal activities much sooner.

"Overall, studies generally report weight losses of roughly 40% of excess weight within six months of surgery with the maximum weight loss (roughly 50-60%) generally achieved by two years after surgery. In striking contrast to all other obesity treatments and weight loss methods, the weight loss produced by bariatric surgery is both substantial and highly durable over time."

Follow-ups at five and ten years post-op show around 50% are successfully maintained. That's incredibly impressive when compared to non-surgical weight loss methods. Patients have significant improvement or total resolution of co-morbidities such as diabetes, high blood lipids, hypertension, etc. The most interesting thing for insurance companies to get through their heads is that bariatric surgery for obese people saves huge amounts of money. There are "very substantial decreases" in long term health care costs of severely obese persons. There are also significant decreases in health care resource use, and morbidity, in those who have the surgery.

A megastudy which included 22,094 patients showed a complete resolution of diabetes in 76.8% of patients; hypertension completely resolved in 61.7%, and obstructive sleep apnea in 85.7%. It's interesting, however, that the improvement depended on the type of surgery in some obesity-related medical problems. "In particular, complete resolution of diabetes was observed as follows: 98.9% (for biliopancreatic diversion or duodenal switch), 83.7% (for gastric bypass), 71.6% (for gastroplasty, and 47.9% (for gastric banding)."

The RYGB had more weight loss and greater medical improvements than any other bariatric surgery. The "method is currently generally regarded as the 'gold standard' given its impressive clinical outcomes (weight loss plus broad improvements in co-morbidities) coupled with good safety record."

I didn't realize how different the results were among the various types of surgery, particularly percentage of weight lost. The band is the other one I have some idea about, since I've been reading a woman's website that's very well done. She didn't have all that much to lose, however, so it was a very good choice. You can eat a wider range of foods post-op with it than you can with RYGB, and the potential problems seem to be less severe, or more easily repaired, if you have them with either surgery. There's the whole filling thing to adjust the band to each user; I like that. But I also don't like that. In this woman's case, the port became displaced and is highly visible under her skin. As a matter of fact, they can erode the skin or stomach because they stay in. I doubt that happens much, though. Still, it's something to keep in mind.

This got me to thinking about under what circumstances I would choose bariatric surgery. At 200 lbs.? I don't think so. That's a low enough weight that I'd give dieting, therapy (cognitive, probably), exercise, etc., a good try or three. But 300? Now we're getting into serious weight. An RYGB is forever. I look at someone like Allan's success taking off nearly 200 lbs. and ask myself--do I have what it takes? Because all he's doing is following the bariatric surgery diet he'd have to follow anyway if he had the surgery. He's doing it without the surgery. It's such a marvelous decision (would I have thought of it?). . . However, it's truly not for everyone, nor even 10% of people. Will it have the same success rate as surgery, and for as long a time? It should about equal it, I think. Anyone can eat his/her way back up to 400 lbs. after surgery. Anyone. (Another thing I didn't know before I started reading about all this.) Surgery is (the cliche)--a TOOL. The patient did and does the work, just as if s/he was on a weight-loss diet, which s/he actually is.

My lovely friend here, who had RYGB done, was kind enough to explain her surgery and decision to have it in her blog. Now, having read her reasons, plus as much as I could about the surgeries, I think she made an excellent choice. I'm so happy the modern surgeries are available. I still think that researchers must get on board with finding a very safe drug to effect the same results. It's imperative, now that weight has become such an issue for so many people. Oddly, there are dozens and dozens of medications to help someone gain weight, some of them quite rapidly, such as the steroids and some of the older antidepressants (Elavil, in particular). Ain't that a kick in the head? Just what we need, eh? Not.

It won't help if you tell me it's a good thing that I gained weight. Really, it'll hurt--a lot. But I weighed 95.1 last Sunday, and 95.9 today, for a pound gained. All I can do is cut back this week and quit indulging myself. I should have known when I wasn't hungry all week that I was gaining. Too late now. I can only aim for next week.

Last night I asked DH what kind of bread he wanted me to make today, and he said he had a real craving for focaccia. That was about the last thing I wanted to make, but I did it, anyway. I had a piece and it was great. He'll take in the rest to work tomorrow.

I'm off to read now and decide what my menu is going to be this week. I have to lose this pound. It will be on my mind all week. Take care, people.

A sad, even scary, survey.

In 1961, researchers did a survey of societal stigma among a large group of children. They were to rate six things in order of desirability, from best to last. The things were: an average, normal person; an obese person; a person with a facial disfigurement; someone with only one hand; someone on crutches, and a person in a wheelchair. The order in which they were ranked by the children from best to last were: An average person; a person on crutches; someone in a wheelchair; a missing hand; a facial disfigurement, and finally, an obese person.

Children would rather be permanently disabled than obese, something which can be changed. In fact, they'd rather be facially disfigured than obese. These were remarkable findings, and the study became famous in sociology circles. The study was repeated with nearly 460 children in 2001, 40 years later.

Once again, they rated the average person as most desirable, but differed somewhat on the others. Second was a facial disfigurement; third, crutches; then a missing hand; a person in a wheelchair, and once again, someone obese was in last place. The results were surprising, in that a facial disfigurement, something permanent and highly visible, was rated as more desirable than being on crutches, which is temporary and heals itself. Obesity's scores were even lower than they'd been in 1961, while obesity itself had increased in numbers across the board, adults, teens and children--including those who participated in the survey!

Just when one would expect that negative feelings toward obesity should be dropping, it turned out that children had learned at a young age that it's worse to be fat than almost anything else. Even the obese children had internalized these negative images and outright hate of the obese, and were engaged in self-loathing.

This certainly must be worked on with people's kids, both at home and in school. Just as most intelligent people are doing with racism and other bigotry, we need to purge it from our country's culture of prejudice. We'll have the easiest time of it, as we do with any bias, by starting with children. But intelligent adults can change. We'll never get anything out of the stupid, so there's not much hope for them, but we haven't been able to change them about any prejudice they have. As far as I'm concerned, let them keep each other company. I have no need of them in my life. I have enough bright, funny, talented, and imaginative/creative friends. I don't need to waste time fooling around with morons.

So that's my rant for today. I apologize for disappearing for so long. Work just wore me out. No real excuse; that the explanation. I hope it gave you respite from my nonsense. :~)

See you tomorrow.

Nothing much to say.

I don't know if you remember or not, but I baked a loaf of Italian bread Sunday just to see how it would come out. It was braided, nicely browned, and covered with sesame seeds. I have a photo I'll put up once I get around to it. The flavor was exceptionally good. It's as light as a feather with a good texture. The crust is crispy but not thick. El husband said I could make it any time I feel like it and he'd be happy. His way of saying make it next week again.

Gained a pound since yesterday. See what I mean about drinking a glass of water and gaining weight? A pound or two, up or down, might just be an artifact of bladder or bowel activity, not fat mobility. Damn. I was so happy, too.

I'm having a good time reading NewMe's links to medically-based obesity websites. I got a little caught up in Dr. Sharma's and have to be careful about that, since I missed a class assignment because of it. Couldn't help myself. Once I start reading something interesting, I often can't stop.

He was talking about how the relationship between obesity and diseases which are commonly attributed to it isn't what common thinking says it is. He doesn't find obesity to be a cause of excess cardiac death, stroke, etc. I think he makes a point in some ways, and it's a theory I read many years ago in a good book on the fat pride movement. I agree that there's a healthier obese person and an unhealthier one. Certainly if you're obese and fit, and eat nutritious (but scrumptious) foods instead of crap, and have decent genes, you're in a whole lot better position than the person who doesn't exercise, goes to Taco Bell and whose parents died at 60 of diabetes complications. I disagree that there's no relationship other than a statistical one, however.

Obesity--even simple overweight--does indeed cause insulin resistance, and thus diabetes, which is an extremely serious disease. The thinking now is that while genes are part of the problem, most people have some point at which they'll become insulin resistant, even if it's farther down the road than others. To say that overweight doesn't cause it is simple denial. Many people who lose weight go back to a normal blood sugar without meds. They do have to eat a good diet and do have to exercise, but hell--we should all be doing that anyway. Unfortunately, the disease isn't always reversed that way. It's usually asymptomatic for several years before being discovered during a routine blood test, so it's worse than it might have been if one were getting regular checkups. (And seriously--who does that? Does insurance even pay for it?)

So to say there's not much evidence that obesity causes disease and early death is whistling in the dark. But it's not as though every obese person is going to drop dead in between dessert and the drive home. Not every smoker gets lung cancer and dies young. If they did, I sincerely doubt there'd be any smokers.

I'll have to keep reading his site, though. I didn't check his sources or citations, so right now I don't know how large the studies were, what the controls were, how the studies were designed, and all that jazz. If he has the evidence about things other than diabetes, I'm willing to change my mind or at least, follow his lead wherever it goes.

Here's the link to Sharma's website:  http://www.drsharma.ca/

I started a chapter in Grilo's book on bariatric surgery. I know extremely little about it, but want to learn. One thing I wonder is why someone would choose a Roux en Y over a band, or a sleeve, etc. Why a sleeve over a Roux en Y? I imagine that if one surgery were good for every patient, there wouldn't be so many different types.

I think the early bypasses, which worked strictly through malabsorption must have been grueling. I had a coworker who had one around 1978 or so, and he had a lot of complications. They finally had to go in and restore what they could. Several years later, he had another surgery--which kind, I don't know--and tolerated that one well. To the best of my knowledge, he had no problems and is still maintaining his weight.

A relative by marriage had her stomach stapled--remember that procedure?--and it helped, but she had to have the staples removed. Or, it could be that they're supposed to be removed after a certain period of time? See, I know nothing whatsoever.

I'm going to try to discuss the surgeries next time, as long as I get my reading done. I can't believe that I've heard people say that surgery is the easy way out. OMG, it seems to be far more difficult than any other way! Must be ignorance, that's all.

Anyway, that's for next time. Take care and sleep tight.

Interesting development of obesity.

There was a violent wind and rainstorm last night, so I was reading by candlelight. I love to do that, even though it causes eyestrain for me. It makes whatever you're reading more interesting. Seriously--candlelight makes you focus on the words more.

It was Grilo's Eating and Weight Disorders. He has some charts which show things like personality traits, common environmental factors, etc., where the research points to reasons for obesity's development. One is like a genealogy chart that goes step-by-step up a ladder: social and cultural factors; unhealthy dieting or weight control; psychological vulnerability; personality-tempermental vulnerability; personality-tempermental genes; obesity genes (vulnerability for bulimia nervosa), and finally, full-blown BN. It's interesting to me that he sees obesity as a stop on the way to mental illness, since he writes that obesity is primarily a physical illness, not a mental illness, whereas the reverse is true for BN.

Take the same chart to the personality-tempermental genes, then follow it with AN genes, rather than obesity genes, and you end up with full-blown AN. He writes that studies on the personality of BN sufferers shows "novelty seeking and impulsivity," while those with AN show "obsessiveness, inflexibility, perfectionism and harm avoidance." He says that the differences "converge with findings from molecular genetic research suggesting AN and BN [thus obesity] have distinctly different underlying biological (genetic) vulnerabilities."

Hmm. . . . There, I disagree. Why? All of the other research I've read says that the commonest mechanism leading to AN is the pursuit of weight loss on a reduction diet by an overweight or obese person, generally at a young age, but not always. Furthermore, about half of anorexics use binge-purge methods for weight loss in addition to restriction, thus overlapping with BN. The EDs are too close to have different genetic causes on a molecular level, IMO. Besides, our knowledge of molecular biology in this field--in almost any field--is in its infancy. Yes, we know lots, but to base hardcore theories of something as complex as obesity--and it's extremely complex--on it, is unwise. Again, IMO.

I won't rule it out, though, until I've read more about it. This will require a lot of digging. My training is in research, not psychology or medicine or biology. I say that to you guys, but not often enough. i should put up a notice here, and will.

But what do you think on this subject? 

Today is weigh-in Sunday. I'm going to participate from now on, or until I get too embarrassed and stop. This morning, with underwear and slippers, 95.1 pounds. I normally round up, and don't include tenths of a pound, because a glass of water or taking a piss can change that. But I want to join the crew properly. (You realize that Allan has shit out nearly two of me? lol.)

I have a braid of Italian bread dough rising now. Off to take a shower and wash my hair, then bake the bread. I hope it doesn't come out a rock-like mess like last time I made it--which was 30 years ago. I've topped the braid with sesame seeds, so it'll be pretty to look at, even if it turns out to be an inedible brick.

Two new books on EDs.

Can't keep my mind off obesity/EDs, food, eating, etc., and our blogs. Even at work, my mind wanders to blogspot, wondering if there are new posts. The self-revelatory entry I made is still up, and I decided this morning to stay brave and keep it up for a variety of reasons. The biggest one is your comments. They're beautiful, and I'll return to them when I need to read them. Thanks, guys, again.

I was crazily antsy about getting some more ED books, and studied Amazon for an hour or two trying to decide what to get. I already have one that I haven't blogged about yet, even though I've finished reading it, so I didn't need any, but chose two. They were just delivered ten minutes ago.

The first was two cents, plus $3.99 s/h. It's in nearly brand-new condition, too. I've decided not to get anything older than 2005 since there's so much new science in the field. If there's something good on the philosophy, politics, etc., I don't care if it's older, but science changes too rapidly to stick with old stuff.

Anyway, the first one is called, The Body Betrayed: A Deeper Understanding of Women, Eating Disorders, and Treatment, by Kathryn J. Zerbe, M.D. You'll notice that I emphasize women in my blog. Part of it is that I'm a woman and understand women's problems better. Another part is that all of the EDs, even obesity, have more women in them than men, although obesity is almost half-and-half. But the biggest part is that women comment here, and I think Allan is my only male reader. He's never sexist in his blog--he blogs for everyone. I started out that way, but until I get some male readers, it'll probably stay geared to women.

Zerbe is a staff psychiatrist at the Menninger Clinic, among other things. In addition to basic principles involving EDs, she's written chapters on "the impact of sexual and physical abuse, the relationship between eating disorders and chemical dependency, medical complications, the biology of nutrition, pregnancy, athletics...and much more." It sounded good, and like I said was only two cents. Couldn't pass it up.

The second one is the one I've been eagerly anticipating. It was recommended by Amazon itself based on my reading habits. Eating Disorders, by Pamela K. Keel. I paid a small fortune for it, and it's a skinny book, completely the opposite of the other one. But it looks well worth it. It's brand new, not second-hand, and is used as a graduate level college textbook, which explains its price ($30+!!). Just opened it and it went right to a page talking about "forbidden" foods and weight maintenance. It's discussing how it's probably easier to avoid whole groups of foods, such as desserts, than it is to eat them in moderation; that moderation may not be possible for those with an ED. I notice in several of the blogs I read regularly, particularly AGB, that's the thinking. Just don't eat the thin sliver of cheesecake to begin with, and you won't then eat the whole damn thing later that evening when you're alone. Makes sense to me, although many times I'm able to stop after that first bite. (Other times, not, which incites terrible fear; panic, actually. I want to run and run and run 'til I collapse.)

I'll be starting on the second book tonight: Eating and Weight Disorders, by Carlos M. Grilo. I have Post-Its stuck all through it to talk about. You poor people--more research papers. Well, no other blog I've been reading routinely addresses this stuff, so I guess I've found my niche.

Hope to see you later.