Since I already knew that stress could trigger all of the medical problems I'm having, I tried my best this summer to do meditation, creative visualization, relaxation exercises, and so on, in order to help heal. But there was always the Aug. 10 deadline in my mind--the first day of our returning to work. I had to be better by then. Since Chick had no job nor health insurance, it was up to me. I was just desperate to go into remission from everything by now. But such was not to be. In fact, today I'm having a worse flare than for the previous two or three weeks.
I saw my therapist Friday. He saw that I could barely walk, and the look of severe pain on my face. He saw my extreme fatigue. Finally, he asked if I were going to call my docs to obtain medical support for a medical leave of absence. I didn't answer. I just couldn't bring myself to give up. So we talked for a while, and I knew I had to do it. So I called the GI specialist's and left a message; sent an email to my family doc, and sent an email to my principal to tell them I needed a medical leave. My principal has no clue whatsoever that I've been ill in any way, and I'm not giving her much time to scramble for coverage. I've been checking in to things meantime. I don't qualify for state disability because since they cut my hours back at work to save money, I didn't make enough in the past 12 months. However, if I get an FMLA leave, my employer has to hold my job open for me and pay my health insurance premiums for three months. If I can get better in that amount of time, everything will be fine. If not? We're screwed.
I'm in a lot of pain today. On a scale of 1-10, it's about an 8 or 8.5. Obviously, nothing but narcotics can eradicate that level, but so far, I'm refusing. I might have to take something so that I can get some sleep, though, if I'm not waking up twice an hour to go to the bathroom.
Yes, more whining. Part of me, once I made the decision to take the leave, felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. Another part is scared. The one who's talking to you right now is extremely sad.
Here's hoping that tomorrow I'll be in a better mood for you guys.
Briefly, I had a hankering for what I call my Greek Pasta salad. Pasta, seeded tomatoes cut into strips, Kalamata olives, feta cheese, artichoke hearts, red onion, and a dressing of olive oil/sunflower oil with basil and oregano. I made it yesterday and ate two servings today. I still have a bunch left over. It's not as low-fiber as it should be, but it's close. I had to leave out some of the things I wanted due to fiber, but it still tastes great. Any other olive and feta fans out there? Come on over and we'll share.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Hi, guys.
I don't know how many of you still have links to my blog. I wouldn't blame you if you've dumped me, but I'm going to try to briefly catch you up on what's been going on.
I believe I told you that they were quite suspicious that I had colon cancer. Finally they diagnosed me as having ulcerative colitis (UC), a chronic, serious, irritable bowel disease (IBD). It has been life-changing. It's not caused by stress; however, it's made worse by stress. I think that's why it started to flare up before the summer break, when I was having so much trouble at work. I haven't needed any more transfusions lately, but they'll do at least one if my severely bad anemia doesn't improve by August 15.
They tested for everything. Celiac disease; gluten intolerance; a whole host of food allergies, parasites and bacterial infections, and so on. All were negative. They guessed it was Crohn's Disease before the biopsies came back. I don't know which would be worse to have. It's kind of crazy to try to compare illnesses, don't you think?
They want me to gain 10 to 20 pounds. I've tried. There's no way to tell if my gain of nearly 10 pounds is fat or water. My edema is horrible. In the middle of my right leg, I sprung a leak, so to speak, and water runs down my leg constantly, soaking my shoe. I was protein deficient, so I've had to push it, and have been successful with that. But it might be weeks before the swelling goes down.
The beginning of fall semester is close at hand, and it seems as though unless there's a miracle, I won't be able to make it. I'm a nervous wreck. We need the money badly, and the health insurance even more. Under federal law, we're allowed to pay for health insurance ourselves for 18 months. That will pretty well destroy what little savings we have. Oh, well. This has happened twice before during our marriage, which is why it seems as though we'll never be able to retire. We'll just have to get over it.
Then I got excruciating pain in my left groin and where my femur joins my hip socket. This started over a week ago. Some days it was better, so I figured I'd strained or pulled a muscle somehow. As it turns out, it's arthritis. I've always had a little osteoarthritis there, but it never was debilitating, and NEVER caused this kind of pain. I can barely walk. So my health has kind of fucked up my whole summer. My great and good spouse has driven me all over god's creation to doctors and tests, plus cooked for me and otherwise taken so much care of me. He's a saint, I think.
I've been, therefore, in lots of pain. I put myself on a high protein, high calorie, low fiber, low residue diet. I figured that if I could "rest" my bowel, it would have some time to heal and throw me into a remission. When I saw the dietician, she said I'd developed a terrific eating plan, and only gave me a few tips to add. She also said I don't need to see her again unless some problem comes up. It was nice to be supported and listened to.
I think that's pretty much it on the health front.
I'm so disappointed that Allan no longer blogs. I very much looked forward to reading his blog at least until the end of Phase Six. He inspired me, and so many others. I hope that he changes his mind at some point. I miss him terribly.
I've been so sick that I haven't even been able to keep up with your blogs, but started today. It'll take a while, that's for sure, but will be worth it.
I'm going to give it my best to write daily or at least every other day. Oh! I cut my hair, or rather Chick cut it. It's only to my shoulders. I'd had it to my waist, then to mid-back, then bra strap length, and now as short as I'll take it. I look awful with short hair.
Okay. I just wanted to let you know I'm back; what's been happening with my health, etc. I'm very happy about reading you guys again! I hope to find out that you're doing well and are happy. xo
I believe I told you that they were quite suspicious that I had colon cancer. Finally they diagnosed me as having ulcerative colitis (UC), a chronic, serious, irritable bowel disease (IBD). It has been life-changing. It's not caused by stress; however, it's made worse by stress. I think that's why it started to flare up before the summer break, when I was having so much trouble at work. I haven't needed any more transfusions lately, but they'll do at least one if my severely bad anemia doesn't improve by August 15.
They tested for everything. Celiac disease; gluten intolerance; a whole host of food allergies, parasites and bacterial infections, and so on. All were negative. They guessed it was Crohn's Disease before the biopsies came back. I don't know which would be worse to have. It's kind of crazy to try to compare illnesses, don't you think?
They want me to gain 10 to 20 pounds. I've tried. There's no way to tell if my gain of nearly 10 pounds is fat or water. My edema is horrible. In the middle of my right leg, I sprung a leak, so to speak, and water runs down my leg constantly, soaking my shoe. I was protein deficient, so I've had to push it, and have been successful with that. But it might be weeks before the swelling goes down.
The beginning of fall semester is close at hand, and it seems as though unless there's a miracle, I won't be able to make it. I'm a nervous wreck. We need the money badly, and the health insurance even more. Under federal law, we're allowed to pay for health insurance ourselves for 18 months. That will pretty well destroy what little savings we have. Oh, well. This has happened twice before during our marriage, which is why it seems as though we'll never be able to retire. We'll just have to get over it.
Then I got excruciating pain in my left groin and where my femur joins my hip socket. This started over a week ago. Some days it was better, so I figured I'd strained or pulled a muscle somehow. As it turns out, it's arthritis. I've always had a little osteoarthritis there, but it never was debilitating, and NEVER caused this kind of pain. I can barely walk. So my health has kind of fucked up my whole summer. My great and good spouse has driven me all over god's creation to doctors and tests, plus cooked for me and otherwise taken so much care of me. He's a saint, I think.
I've been, therefore, in lots of pain. I put myself on a high protein, high calorie, low fiber, low residue diet. I figured that if I could "rest" my bowel, it would have some time to heal and throw me into a remission. When I saw the dietician, she said I'd developed a terrific eating plan, and only gave me a few tips to add. She also said I don't need to see her again unless some problem comes up. It was nice to be supported and listened to.
I think that's pretty much it on the health front.
I'm so disappointed that Allan no longer blogs. I very much looked forward to reading his blog at least until the end of Phase Six. He inspired me, and so many others. I hope that he changes his mind at some point. I miss him terribly.
I've been so sick that I haven't even been able to keep up with your blogs, but started today. It'll take a while, that's for sure, but will be worth it.
I'm going to give it my best to write daily or at least every other day. Oh! I cut my hair, or rather Chick cut it. It's only to my shoulders. I'd had it to my waist, then to mid-back, then bra strap length, and now as short as I'll take it. I look awful with short hair.
Okay. I just wanted to let you know I'm back; what's been happening with my health, etc. I'm very happy about reading you guys again! I hope to find out that you're doing well and are happy. xo
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