Thank you, blogging friends.

I feel good that I took the chance and posted yesterday about my ED. It made me feel cared about that you weren't turned off by my post. Thank you.

Part of what I felt I couldn't control in my life was work. It was a mess. They cut me back to half-time, which I could never in a million years live on. I could barely live on my full-time pay. They couldn't fire a bad employee for legal reasons so they put him in my department. In order to make room for him and not raise their employee expenses, they cut my hours. There was nothing I could do about it. And my supervisor was/is an ass. But guess what? Today they offered me full-time work again, starting next year. You probably understand what a huge difference this will make in my life financially. My savings have been decimated, so I'll be able to build them back up. I can't count on it until the papers are signed, and can't depend on its continuing every year, but for at least one year, I'll be safe.

I wonder if this will be enough to make me want recovery? Well, I doubt it very, very, much, even though it was one of the triggers. It's more complicated than that. But it will remove one of the most stressful parts of my life.

Notice that I'm recommending another blog on the right side: Never the Skinny Girl. I've been reading it for a while and think you'd like it. She's in the struggle with us.

I didn't eat all day until supper, when I had 1 1/2 cups of penne pasta with a light mushroom red sauce. I had half a can of Coke instead of coffee this morning (non-diet) and eight ounces of non-diet ginger ale at night to settle my migraine stomach. Artificial sweeteners are a migraine trigger for me (and many other people) so I don't drink diet soda. I don't know what my calories were today, but I suspect they were under my self-imposed limit of 900. Good.

I see one doctor tomorrow for my depression meds. She keeps track of my weight, too. I see my therapist Friday, the one whose mother was bulimic so he seems to hate people with EDs. In fact, he seems to hate anyone who doesn't participate in heavy-duty workouts, who are heavy, who are too thin, that is, anyone who isn't physically fit and medium weight. Sorry, dude, but you're leaving out a whole hell of a lot of people. I think he's bad for me, and others have told me that, too. But it's like I don't want to hurt his feelings by quitting him. I've been seeing him for years now, and don't think I have to go anymore. He, on the other hand, ever since I was diagnosed with anorexia, told me I'm the "sickest" he's ever seen me. I don't think you say things like that to patients.

And as you guys know, those of us with EDs are extremely sensitive about our bodies and what they look like. One session, he told me how bad I look, how my chin is pointy and unattractive, and more things like that!! I couldn't believe it. That's not the way to talk to someone you think is "sick." You go gently with them; take care of them, and treat them with respect.

Yeah, maybe it's time to cut this off and see someone else.

Okay. Enough about for me a while. I'll start posting from the research papers again. Take care and have a good, peaceful day tomorrow.