Wednesday night, February 2, 2011

Damn, I'm sorry I missed yesterday. I had a migraine, took some drugs, and fell sound asleep in my chair. I'll do my best to prevent that again.

Finally, my favorite scientific book on EDs arrived from Amazon. It's called Eating Disorders and Obesity, ed. by Christopher G. Fairburn and Kelly D. Brownell. I had it before, but lent it to someone and never got it back--the story of my life. It's the only book out there which supports my theory that obesity is an ED just like anorexia or bulimia. In it, the doctors and researchers make the case for that, which is still considered to be controversial. I think it's so obvious, I don't know why everyone doesn't believe it. No one gets to be 400 lbs. by having a normal relationship with food, and most obese people have a lot of emotional work to do, as well as emotional garbage to get rid of along their way to their goal weight. I'm not saying they have to have recovered to get to a normal weight, just that they have to in order to maintain a normal weight for a lifetime.

I hate when people accuse the obese of not having any willpower. Who could have more willpower than someone who's felt serious hunger for weeks at a time, several times over the course of a lifetime? That takes real will, in my opinion. But they don't have the stamina and drive to stay slender. When it comes to life and death, somewhere along the line they'll choose death and fried chicken over life and broiled chicken breast. That's emotions talking, not logic. And those emotions are saying, "You're not worth it to stay alive." That has to change.

I'll be posting excerpts from the book from time to time as we go along. I hope you find it as intriguing a theory as I do.

This will be TMI--I ate like I was a garbage can today, and got cramps and intestinal upset. Ugh. For breakfast there was half a bologna sandwich on whole wheat bread. That's schizo to begin with--junk food with healthful food. I didn't eat the rest of the day until 4 p.m., when I microwaved a large bag of popcorn and ate the whole thing. It was low-cal, but still . . . . Maybe that's what gave me diarrhea. There, that was my nutrition for the day. Oh, a Coke and half a can of ginger ale. There's hardly a gram of decent food for the whole day, even though I didn't top my calorie max. I have to stop eating as though I'm a garbage can. If you are what you eat, I'm garbage. See what I mean about garbage in your head?

I'm going to look around some anorexia sites for tips on how to avoid eating when you're hungry. No one is better at that than anorexics. They do it every day, all day, for months at a time. I'd just put up links to pages, but the information and tips are a mixed bag. Some are just silly and stupid. Some would interfere with Allan's (Almost Gastric Bypass blog) Challenge. Others are flat-out wrong, with no basis in science whatsoever. Many are downright dangerous. But there is, between the lines, some good advice. I'll get back to you on that.

That's it for today. Make sure to drink enough water all day, every day, to keep hydrated and stay full. Go for a walk and relax. Pet your animal companions. And remember--you aren't garbage, you deserve to live, and you're the only one in the world, in all of history, who was, is, or ever will be like you. Take care of your precious self.