Clothing for a new body.

Because many people have been talking about it, and I've been thinking about it, I guess tonight I'll blog about choosing clothes for a new body--a new you. I have a very definite style, or should I say styles. Sometimes it's Bohemian, a gypsy-ish look, with lots of ethnic fabrics, long skirts, vests, jackets, all in a riot of colors. Other times it's Zen-like in its straight lines, black/silver/ivory/slate blue, etc., with Asian touches everywhere. Quite sleek and elegant. Yes, I like my styles, and am noted for them. You either like them or hate them. Many like them. Others have suggested I dress more normally, especially for work. So I thought I'd buy some preppy, yuppy-ish clothes for my new body.

I hadn't been clothes shopping in years, and had no clue what size I wore in fitted, tailored, clothes. I saw the perfect skirt at Land's End (pure preppy, like L.L. Bean) and ordered two in a 12--tan and navy (navy was my signature color when I was a business suit girl). When they arrived, and I tried to try them on, they slipped to the floor like a hula hoop. I returned them in exchange for 10's. My husband said, "Skip the 10's and 8's; go straight for the 6's and 4's." He's a pretty good judge of size. I wouldn't listen. To make a long story short, the 2's fit the best, but I have a big waist and they felt a little tight. I kept the 4's.

That long story was to show how one can have a measuring tape and mirrors, and still have no clue at all what size to wear, what one's body looks like, or what style to dress in. I also had to get used to clothes that fit. I kept up with the preppy look, but have recently returned to the ethnic thing. When I'm this thin, I'm always freezing, so the patterned, thigh-length Indian jackets come in handy.

Why are we so body dysmorphic? We see abnormality where none exists. We see fat when thin is reality. We feel fat when we've nothing to feel fat about. I know that we anorexics are famous for that. I'm not sure if formerly or even currently obese people are as poor judges as we are when it comes to their bodies. I suspect so. Certainly I know my obese friends believe they're far less attractive and sexy than they are. At my height, I'd have to weigh 175 to enter obesity based on the BMI. I feel like I weigh that now--honest. I have no idea at all that I weigh less than that. I will even check the scale by weighing my husband or a big sack of rice to make sure it isn't broken, that's how inaccurate I feel it must be. Do obese people do that? I've never asked. If you can leave a comment and tell me the answer plus anything else about the subject, I'd love that. I need knowledge, and other big people might need to know they're not alone.

One thing I do know is when I'm sure that the scale is working, the number on it defines my day. If I'm two pounds over the day before, I have a horrible day. If I'm a pound under, I fly in freedom. Food and the numbers are my life, and all I think about. Food, especially so. Whether it's cooking it, choosing it, buying it, eating it, not eating it, what it looks like--name it--it's ever-present in my head. This certainly isn't healthy. But from what I read, it defines the obese's day, too. Food, food, food. Eating, not eating, hungry, not hungry. As I've said before, we think about what we'll eat for supper before we've eaten breakfast. That, my friends, is an eating disorder.

Bingeing. A friend here had a binge. It was a small one, but her feeling of loss of control was frightening, guilt- and shame-producing, and depressing for her. I would have felt the same way, or I should say do feel the same way, because I've done it. Not big-time, however, just as hers wasn't. It's not eating so much or the calories ingested, it's the powerlessness and uncontrollable behavior that's horrible.

That's a special ED, binge eating disorder, and overweight or obese people often have it, frequently accompanied by compulsive overeating. I'm sure that if I had one cigarette tonight, or even a couple of puffs, I'd smoke a pack tomorrow. Same with food for the food-addicted, but with cookies, cheesecake, pizza with everything, chips or buffalo wings, etc. I've never heard of anyone who craved steamed cauliflower with no butter or cheese on it, or had a leafy green vegetable binge. A salad might be part of a flat-out siege, but never the whole thing.

What do we do with this craziness? The clothing? Dressing the bodies we have, instead of the ones we think we have? The food obsession/preoccupation?

I'll check this out in various places, including others' blogs about their personal experiences, and get back to these subjects soon.

Here's hoping that tomorrow you connect with nature in some way. I believe that nature, in her beauty, is healing. If you can't get out, throw open some windows and breathe deeply. Her sun, breezes, colors, moonlight, fragrance, rain, snow, forests, and everything else she offers are always there for you.